Loving Correction

In any family, no matter how committed they are to living by God's will, problems arise. A simple discussion about which toy to play with becomes heated. A child, no matter how well trained, will seek to push boundaries by doing something that's been forbidden. So how do we seek to mold the correct behaviors and punish for bad behaviors?

First of all, we don't use the word punish. Punish means we're doing something punitive, almost revenge-like. That only makes the child defensive and they close their hearts. Instead, we talk about correction. Correction can be though gentle words to guide them back to the correct path. It can be a time out where the child is isolated so they can think of what's transpired until they can return with real remorse and contrition. Or, it can be corporeal.

Yes, we spank our children. Or rather, we use corporeal training. This is not done to hurt the child. It is not done to make the child suffer. It's done to bend the willfull child to move their sinful spirit back to the fold of love and in God's grace. What do we use? We simply use our hand. And more often than not it's a quick swat to ensure they know this is a serious matter, one that must be dealt with immediately. We use corporeal training when we want their complete, immediate attention. When they reach for a hot pot, run towards the road or hurt a sibling. We usually give a swat or two on the thigh. Bums are sexual areas and not appropriate to touch. So we give a hard, sharp swat on the thigh. Granted, it's been very rare that we've had to do this but believe me, a quick, stinging swat will get their attention even more quickly than can words.

Plus, it is shameful. Do we want our children to live in shame? No, we want them confident and proud of their relationship with God and proud of being in our loving family. But when they do something very dangerous or very sinful we want them to be shamed. Shame teaches, it reminds us that this is not only wrong behavior but it is hurtful behavior and it cannot continue. A swift swat and a sense of deep shame teaches better than anything at times.

No matter if it is a swat or a time out or just gentle words, once Daddy arrives home it is time to take the offending child aside for more discussion. It can be a simple argument over toys or a refusal to do chores cheerfully. In any case, Daddy talks with the child, discusses the problem and works to change their heart attitudes. By the end of the night the child invariably apologizes and begs for forgiveness. Always, we encourage our children to turn only to God for forgiveness. It is only through his Son, Jesus Christ that we can gain any forgiveness.

What happens when Mommy misbehaves? Daddy corrects her. Yes, Mommy is held to the same rules as the children. As the head of the household Daddy is responsbile for the spiritual well being of EVERYONE in the household. How does this work? It depends on the infraction. Imagine that a note of nagging enters Mommy's voice. Daddy can give Mommy a look that simply reminds her that he is the authority. Most of the time Mommy remembers her place and acquieses. If she should continue Mommy might get a time out where she can reflect for a moment on what is happening, take a moment for prayer, beg God for forgiveness in her transgression and then rejoin her family in joy and gratitude. Does Daddy ever swat Mommy? Well, no, but Mommy also doesn't run into the road! Mommy correction is always to remind her to find her way back to her path as the spouse who is under the authority of the spiritual head of the home, Daddy.

Correction is an act of love. It is to ensure safety and security of the family. And that burden rests on the shoulders of Daddy at all times. At no time, no matter what he is doing does Daddy not remember and think of the safety of his family. His greatest responsibility is to take care of his family and lovingly correcting all members to remind them of their duty to family, and more importantly, God is his most important task. I am proud of my dear husband for being able to recognize when correction is needed and to deal with it fairly and justly. That's why I am so grateful and blessed to be under his protection.